and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
