Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
