my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
