the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
