Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
