I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
