friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
