totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
whose parrot is this?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
