why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
