Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize