you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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