Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
