i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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