i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
