Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
