first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
