I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
