Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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