my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
