You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
