No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize