Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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