Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
