It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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