If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
