What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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