Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
