I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
