I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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