Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i came on her dog
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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