Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
