They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
