I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
