Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I could make wine with my vomit
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
