my shit smells like andre
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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