I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize