Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
