Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
