she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
