Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
