I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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