but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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