Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
