"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
