help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
