yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
