chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
