remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
