No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I just sharted jello shots
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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