I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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