Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
NoShamevember. You game?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to make out with him forever
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