that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
