its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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