is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
