I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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