I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
