I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
