it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
