Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
