seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
