you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
