Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
