i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize