I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
