guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
