Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
