Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
