under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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