it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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