i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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