he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She told me I should be a condom model.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
