Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
