you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
