mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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