It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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