People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
