yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
