So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
