WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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