I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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