Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
