For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
