It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
