i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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