I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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