OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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