in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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