batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
