i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
