So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize