I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
