and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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